ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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