A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just saw a hot homeless man
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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