we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
