just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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