He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
