If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
