So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
