dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
