as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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