watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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