me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
did i just pee glitter
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
