Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
