I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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