Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
