Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
