Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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