Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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