new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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