my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
