I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
someone owes me an orgasm
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
