Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
We need to rekindle our bromance
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
