He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
