new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
