I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
