used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
