apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I deserve this hangover.
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