wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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