i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
