Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
