she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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