I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
not ubering you a puppy
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
