problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
