he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So vagazzling was a success
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
