I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
