I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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