you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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