her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
