If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
