I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
