I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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