im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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