You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
