I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
