ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
