His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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