WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
