So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
