in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
