Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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