I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
