so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
