just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
