a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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